Friday, November 30, 2007
Disorder is unorganized, but I am very
organized. From now on I will be Bipolar
without the Disorder. Or as my wife says,
The truth is, this illnes is a killer
and even though I have been blessed
with no suicide attempts, I am still in
danger of this in the future.
See this video of Dr Kay Redfield Jamison
herself, and her own struggles with suicide.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I am a cybernaut. Like an astronaut
but in cyberspace instead of outer space.
I have come to explore the outer reaches
of the Bloggersphere and find a place to
build Weblog Station, and all its many
Now that your here, your welcome
to stay and explore Weblog Station.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I have no bipolar friends and no contacts.
I was once a member of Sonnet Central
but they kicked me out and called me a
moron. Thanks guys.
There is one bipolar site, but it is in England.
That is too far for a 1 to 1 contact if needed.
So I go it alone. Besides, bipolar people are
famously irresponsible. Thru no fault of their
own, most of the time, their illness dictates their
when and where abouts.
I seriously doubt that there are really bipolar
people like me out there. True creative genius.
I feel that I am the last true survivor of the
If you can prove me wrong, then please by
all means, knock on my door. I need to hear
from other people like myself. maybe we
can put our creative powers together and
rule the world ! :)
name, I was born in Los Angeles Ca.
my skin is white and my eyes are blue.
I am not a skin head nor am I prejudice.
I have lived in & out of Mexico my
whole life, and my parents and brother
still live there. I speak perfect English
and Spanish, and my whole family is
bilingual. I was an L.A. valley boy
who now lives in San Diego County.
I am not Mexican American.
I am American American. I have Spanish
blood from Spain in me from my Moms
side, and Jewish blood in me from my
Dads side. See HalfJew.com
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Christmas to millions of innocent
naive little children who have
been misled to believe that some
fat old man named Santa with magic
is going to bring them cool stuff
on Christmas Eve. Jesus, talk
about faith based organizations.
When I was a kid I always got
my school clothes for the coming
school year and maybe one little toy
for Commercmas. I can't tell you
the amount of times I wanted to
kill Santa for forgetting me. But
then when I learned that it was
really my parents behind it all,
then I just wanted to kill them.
you can take the word SANTA
and make it into SATAN
just by switching the letter N
from the center to the end
and that's almost a rhyme
To consider at this time.
Think about it !
Who winks with his eyes, who signals with his feet,
Who points with his fingers;
Who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil,
Who spreads strife.
Therefore his calamity will come suddenly;
Instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing.
There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.
Proverbs 6: 13-19
Friday, November 23, 2007
Without Bipolar Disorder,
Would I Still Be An Artist?
It is a question that I have asked myself many times.
I personally think that my own bd (bipolar disorder)
is unique to me as it is with each person. And taking
to account the severity of each persons bd.
Is Bipolar Disorder the cause of artistic genius,
or is artistic genius the cause of Bipolar Disorder ?
I do not have the answer to that right now.
But as one who believes in God, I also ask
Is it a gift from God, and bd and artistic genius
are included as one package?
with bd is going to be an artist and vice/versa
But those of us that do have the classic symptoms
continue to carry the torch of true artistic genius.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Holidays have this effect on us
bipolar people. I have already, as
much as I can, been warning you
about my Bipolar Disorder.
In a clinical sense, I may be far
different than what most
doctors are used to.
Sometimes I love humanity with such
a passion, and other times I just want
to Zap them all out of existence.
Much like my creator Himself.
Thank Him that He controls all
the power. Cause if I had the power
to call fire down from heaven on
some of you worthless humans,
I most certainly would.
And Elijah answered and said
to the captain of the fifty, If I
be a man of God, then let fire
come down from heaven and
consume thee and thy fifty,
And there came down fire
from heaven and consumed
him and his fifty.
11 Kings 1: 10
I am not judging any of you,
I am just giving you my opinion.
!O ya, Happy Thanksgiving again!
to my Audio Blog but I kept getting
an OOPS! FAILED POSTING TO GOOGLE
message. So I posted it here instead.
This first movement is approx. 15 min.
long. I just uploaded (recorded) it using
a microphone. So the quality of the
recording is so so.
(click it below)
I tried to avoid this but here it goes :
Happy Thanksgiving !
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
and overall waste of words and space
that you see on blogger now days.
More convincing evidence that
Lucifer the Archangel is in complete
control of you all. The more I surf
blogger the more I am convinced
that my weblog is the best blog.
You can spend a whole week just
reading all my weblog pages. And
get something more than just another
new scandal from a famous celebrity.
Jesus, how boring!
Or who's going to be the next
President ? Who fucking cares
save for stupid rich people anyway.
It really doesn't matter who the
next President is going to be, cause
the whole fucking world is slowly
going down hill straight to hell.
And don't give me any of that
"It starts with each individual
crap". Cause if that were the case,
then the world would be going
up hill to heaven. But we all know
that it is the end of days. There
is a nuclear cloud hanging over
our heads. If you don't know
that, then you must be dead
If you don't think that my weblog
is the only real thing out there,
then click here.
If you think that my weblog is
the best one then click here.
But if you don't care either way,
Then have a nice day.
P.S. I really don't give a fuck
what you think anyway. I hate
everyone of you with a passion.
I could be the Anti-Christ, you
never know. I don't just have
bipolar disorder, I am bipolar
disorder, And the most creative
man alive. If you can prove
otherwise, then go for it.
I will not delete this comment
but rather will leave it as an
example of some of my symptoms
to this Bipolar monster that I
have and am. After all, this is a
Web-Log / journal and
the public has the right
to know that there are
monsters like me out there.
These Proverbs have an (ABAB) rhyme
Scheme, and were written in 2002.
These are the Proverbs of Angel De Fuego
(Angel Of Fire) He is a son of God and seeker of
wisdom and truth.
A wise man's house is his neighbor's comfort
But a fool's dwelling place is cold and dark
A wise man labors without an effort
But a fool must struggle to reach his mark
Don't go into the house of those who sin
Speak loudly God's message from the outside
Then if they listen and invite you in
Then go in with them then and be their guide
But if they hide and refuse to listen
Then never again stand outside their gate
And do not write them letters with your pen
For it's both you and God whom they all hate
To read the rest of my proverbs go to my
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The score to Flamenco Sentient
is finally here.
I know of at least one concert pianist
who has been waiting over two weeks
for the score to Flamenco Sentient.
Thank you for your patience Marilina.
You can hear her playing Schumann
from Carnival Opus 9
Check out her beautiful playing.
A concert pianist in Florida.
To get the score to Flamenco Sentient
in B Major, go to my:
Scores Archive Home Page.
!Enjoy Playing My Music!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how
you look at it. I was given by the Divine three
powers over the Spirits of Art*. Almost all other
artists in the world are masters of one thing.
For example Mozart=music Rembrandt=painting
Shakespeare=poetry etc. I on the other hand
am a master in all three; painting, poetry, music,
which defines the essence of art itself. This is more
a complaint than a brag. To fully understand what
I am saying, would be to live my life as I do, and I
don't wish that on anyone. You see, with all that
creative power at my finger tips, makes me a very
dangerous man. Let him who has understanding
overstand objectively what I am saying. In other
words, I am volatile when provoked with a joke.
Sometimes I can't tell when people are serious or
not, and I am often much to kind to people who
don't deserve it. I have accidentally walked into
a robbery in progress and didn't even know it,
cause I was on the moon in thought over a sonnet.
My Father, when I was a kid, use to call me the
little idiot boy genius.
My wife does not like to let me out of her sight
and for good reason. Why am I telling you all this ?
Because if you ever see me on the street walking
past you, you will know it's me cause I'll be walking
sdrawkcab. ------ * Arts and Science's.
Click here to look at the
book on Amazon.com
Touched With Fire by
Kay Redfield Jamison
Click the photo to expand
it and make it readable.
Touched With Fire is a must
read for all artists and especially
those artists with Manic-Depressive
Illness. (Bipolar Disorder)
for Tuesday, When the Bank is open
again so I can finish my donation account.
You will be able to donate to my arts fund
So I can continue to create art. Not that
I won't create without money, but you
know what I mean. I can't hold a 9-5
job cause of my bipolar disorder, since
I can't be around or work with people
that much. My last real job was at
Stanford University in the physics
department working on the Ronald
Ray-gun star wars project, in 1984
(See my Notes On Physics)
and that was enough to drive
anyone nuts. I hated working on
a war machine.
Hopefully after tomorrow the donation
link will be active and working.
Don't anyone hold their breath. :)
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, November 09, 2007
music, and be a song writer ?
It just don't work that way for me.
At least it hasn't in the past. I have written
a few songs but nothing to write home
about. I may in the future try writing
modern songs again, depending on my up
and down life. The last song I wrote was:
There goes Capitan Applewhite
In the starry sky tonight
With his crew of 38
Aboard their starship heavens gate.
A song about an occult suicide right
here in San Diego a number of years
You can hear a few seconds of this
song in a radio interview that I did
back in 1997. You can find this
radio interview on my Audio Blog.
Or scroll down to click it right below.
that people won't leave feeling that they
hate me cause of my abundant creativity.
I only say this cause its happened before.
The truth is that I have worked long hard
hours on the piano from the time I was a
kid. I can only write piano music the way
I do because of the constant work and
devotion that I have for the piano.
The same holds true for all my artistic
endeavors . Poetry and painting too.
I was not born an artist. I have
worked very hard over the years.
on all my artistic creations.
To hear my piano music go to my
Thursday, November 08, 2007
|Angel De Fuego|
|has been ordained this Thursday the 17th of January 2008 01:08:53 PM|
---------------------- cut here ----------------------
This is a receipt for your ordination. In States that require Minister Registration (see our FAQ page), THIS RECIEPT IS NOT VALID. The credential above confirms that your personal information and Ministerial Standing has been recorded in the Church database. In many situations you MUST present a hard copy of your official Ordination, which may be ordered through the Monastery Storehouse,http://www.themonastery.org/catalog/ordinationcredential-p-53.html.
Many situations require you to present an official certificate. Nursing Home Administrators, State or Local police authorities, or your State registration office may need a copy. The above website credential may not be suitable for such uses. It is suggested that you order the official credential, imprinted with your name and ordination date and Stamped with the Church Seal. You are not required to order the Official Credential as your ordination is fully legal without the credential. However, it will be of use to you in official situations.
For Ministers residing in States requiring registration, a letter of good standing must be requested from the Church. See your local county clerk to verify your obligations. Requests for
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
our human mortality. We really only have the
here and now. And what we do with each moment
of our lives now, contributes or not, to our lives
after we have died.
One only needs to think of Shakespeare, Einstein,
Mozart or Da Vinci to have an example of human
immortality without a religion a heaven or a god.
Angel De Fuego
Monday, November 05, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I did this color pencil drawing when I was 15 years old
(36 years ago) in San Vicente Mexico.
I call it my Monoliso instead of our Lord,
that way all my Christian friends don't give me hell
about creating a forbidden image of our Lord.
Click the pictures to expand them.
To see more of my drawings & sketches
go to my Drawings & Paintings Archive
Saturday, November 03, 2007
hostembed friends doing my biding.
Like cyberspirits these hostembeds
will say anything that I command
them to say. You too can have this
wizard like power. Just go to
I have been a Rosicrucian since I was (12)
twelve years old, which has nothing to do
with SitePale (oddcast.com) but is relevant
in understanding me and my bipolar cycles.
To understand how my bipolar disorder
and artistic temperament effects me on
a cyclical and daily bases, read this blog
and it's first part other half Bloggod.
Friday, November 02, 2007
I am the most beautiful creation
And yet my spirit vexed forever doomed
Must crawl the waste land of Gods discontent
Who sits upon his perfect golden throne
To leave me dancing in the burning flames
A ruler of the weakest and the fools
Attending my party with costume jewels
Wearing their rags of best designer names
Their human worthlessness of flesh and bone
With which I am supposed to be content
As my eternity with hate consumed
Suffers in error my degradation
And all of this because of beauty's pride
Which can not die nor from its own eyes hide
Angel De Fuego
Click here to hear this sonnet
read by Angel Hostembed.
A new fresh drawing. My old main blog
called Bloggod is no longer active for
fresh new posts. This new page called
Weblog will be my active main blog now.
Travel with me to unknown reaches of
the blogosphere as I continue my
travel through life as an artist with