Friday, November 30, 2007

Disorder ?

Why does it have to be Bipolar Disorder ?
Disorder is unorganized, but I am very
organized. From now on I will be Bipolar
without the Disorder. Or as my wife says,
"Bipolar Gifted"

The truth is, this illnes is a killer
and even though I have been blessed
with no suicide attempts, I am still in
danger of this in the future.

See this
video of Dr Kay Redfield Jamison
herself, and her own struggles with suicide.

Creation Continues

God continues to create. The proof that
creation is not over yet, and maybe never
will be done.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Going Back Again

It looks like my wife will be flying
back to Florida to help out her Mom
and Dad again. This time her Mom is
worse. She could use your prayers.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I am a cybernaut. Like an astronaut
but in cyberspace instead of outer space.
I have come to explore the outer reaches
of the Bloggersphere and find a place to
build Weblog Station, and all its many
outposts (pages).

Now that your here, your welcome
to stay and explore Weblog Station.

Monday, November 26, 2007

No Bipolar Outlet

I am not a member of any bipolar forums
I have no bipolar friends and no contacts.
I was once a member of Sonnet Central
but they kicked me out and called me a
moron. Thanks guys.

There is one bipolar site, but it is in England.
That is too far for a 1 to 1 contact if needed.
So I go it alone. Besides, bipolar people are
famously irresponsible. Thru no fault of their
own, most of the time, their illness dictates their
when and where abouts.

I seriously doubt that there are really bipolar
people like me out there. True creative genius.
I feel that I am the last true survivor of the

If you can prove me wrong, then please by
all means, knock on my door. I need to hear
from other people like myself. maybe we
can put our creative powers together and
rule the world ! :)

Not Foreign

Even though I have a foreign sounding
name, I was born in Los Angeles Ca.
my skin is white and my eyes are blue.
I am not a skin head nor am I prejudice.

I have lived in & out of Mexico my
whole life, and my parents and brother
still live there. I speak perfect English
and Spanish, and my whole family is
bilingual. I was an L.A. valley boy
who now lives in San Diego County.

I am not Mexican American.
I am American American. I have Spanish
blood from Spain in me from my Moms
side, and Jewish blood in me from my
Dads side. See

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Commercmas Is Next

Commercmas also known as
Christmas to millions of innocent
naive little children who have
been misled to believe that some
fat old man named Santa with magic
is going to bring them cool stuff
on Christmas Eve. Jesus, talk
about faith based organizations.

When I was a kid I always got
my school clothes for the coming
school year and maybe one little toy
for Commercmas. I can't tell you
the amount of times I wanted to
kill Santa for forgetting me. But
then when I learned that it was
really my parents behind it all,
then I just wanted to kill them.

you can take the word SANTA
and make it into SATAN

just by switching the letter N
from the center to the end
and that's almost a rhyme
To consider at this time.

Think about it !

Who winks with his eyes, who signals with his feet,
Who points with his fingers;
Who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil,
Who spreads strife.
Therefore his calamity will come suddenly;
Instantly he will be broken and there will be no healing.
There are six things which the LORD hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.

Proverbs 6: 13-19

Friday, November 23, 2007

Without Bipolar Disorder,

Would I Still Be An Artist?

It is a question that I have asked myself many times.
I personally think that my own bd (bipolar disorder)
is unique to me as it is with each person. And taking
to account the severity of each persons bd.

Is Bipolar Disorder the cause of artistic genius,
or is artistic genius
the cause of Bipolar Disorder ?

I do not have the answer to that right now.
But as one who believes in God, I also ask

Is it a gift from God, and bd and artistic genius
are included as one package?

Not everyone
with bd is going to be an artist and vice/versa
But those of us that do have the classic symptoms
continue to carry the torch of true artistic genius.

Hiding Out Today

The day after a major holiday is
always a good hide out day.

No phone calls in or out.
No e-mails in or out.
No answering the door.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

No Team, Just Me Alone

There is no team working on
Weblog. All the 33 or so separate
blog/pages that make up Weblog
are all created and run by me.

It is all done with smoke and
mirrors, and maybe a little

Manic Alert Holidays effect

Manic Alert

(Battle Stations)

Holidays have this effect on us
bipolar people. I have already, as
much as I can, been warning you
about my Bipolar Disorder.
In a clinical sense, I may be far
different than what most
doctors are used to.

Sometimes I love humanity with such
a passion, and other times I just want
to Zap them all out of existence.

Much like my creator Himself.
Thank Him that He controls all
the power. Cause if I had the power
to call fire down from heaven on
some of you worthless humans,
I most certainly would.

And Elijah answered and said
to the captain of the fifty, If I
be a man of God, then let fire
come down from heaven and
consume thee and thy fifty,
And there came down fire
from heaven and consumed
him and his fifty.

11 Kings 1: 10

I am not judging any of you,
I am just giving you my opinion.

!O ya, Happy Thanksgiving again!

Failed To Audio Blog

I tried posting my
Piano Concerto

to my Audio Blog but I kept getting
message. So I posted it here instead.
This first movement is approx. 15 min.
long. I just uploaded (recorded) it using
a microphone. So the quality of the
recording is so so.
(click it below)

I tried to avoid this but here it goes :
Happy Thanksgiving !

Piano Concerto #1 First Movement

I wrote this piano concerto first
movement in 2002 with a flamenco
flavor. I am at the piano here with
the digital philharmonic orchestra

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Looking A Little Manic Are We ?

After my wife checked out my blog
this morning, she made this comment.

"Looking a little manic are we ?"

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Last Renaissance Man

I am the last renaissance man,
right after Da Vinci. All of my
art is more than proof of this.
Genius is proven by its fruits.

Come and taste the fruit of
my tree that is pure creative


Unbelievable all the trash and smut
and overall waste of words and space
that you see on blogger now days.
More convincing evidence that
Lucifer the Archangel is in complete
control of you all. The more I surf
blogger the more I am convinced
that my weblog is the best blog.

You can spend a whole week just
reading all my weblog pages. And
get something more than just another
new scandal from a famous celebrity.
Jesus, how boring!

Or who's going to be the next
President ? Who fucking cares
save for stupid rich people anyway.
It really doesn't matter who the
next President is going to be, cause
the whole fucking world is slowly
going down hill straight to hell.

And don't give me any of that
"It starts with each individual
crap". Cause if that were the case,
then the world would be going
up hill to heaven. But we all know
that it is the end of days. There
is a nuclear cloud hanging over
our heads. If you don't know
that, then you must be dead

If you don't think that my weblog
is the only real thing out there,
then click here.

If you think that my weblog is
the best one then click here.

But if you don't care either way,
Then have a nice day.

P.S. I really don't give a fuck
what you think anyway. I hate
everyone of you with a passion.
I could be the Anti-Christ, you
never know. I don't just have
bipolar disorder, I am bipolar
disorder, And the most creative
man alive. If you can prove
otherwise, then go for it.

I will not delete this comment
but rather will leave it as an
example of some of my symptoms
to this Bipolar monster that I
have and am. After all, this is a
Web-Log / journal and
the public has the right
to know that there are
monsters like me out there.

CD's Of My Piano Music

I created these CD's of my piano
music a few years ago. If you
would like a copy of these CD's,
then send me an e-mail.
You can find my e-mail
in my profile.

The Proverbs


These Proverbs have an (ABAB) rhyme

Scheme, and were written in 2002.

These are the Proverbs of Angel De Fuego

(Angel Of Fire) He is a son of God and seeker of

wisdom and truth.

A wise man's house is his neighbor's comfort

But a fool's dwelling place is cold and dark

A wise man labors without an effort

But a fool must struggle to reach his mark

Don't go into the house of those who sin

Speak loudly God's message from the outside

Then if they listen and invite you in

Then go in with them then and be their guide

But if they hide and refuse to listen

Then never again stand outside their gate

And do not write them letters with your pen

For it's both you and God whom they all hate

To read the rest of my proverbs go to my

Writing And Poetry Archive

Monday, November 19, 2007

Monday Again

My wife is back from Florida.
Her Mom is doing a Little better.
Thank You all for your prayers.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Flamenco Sentient Is Here

!Attention Pianists!

The score to Flamenco Sentient
is finally here.

I know of at least one concert pianist
who has been waiting over two weeks
for the score to Flamenco Sentient.
Thank you for your patience Marilina.
You can hear her playing Schumann
from Carnival Opus 9
Check out her beautiful playing.
A concert pianist in Florida.

To get the score to Flamenco Sentient
in B Major, go to my:
Scores Archive Home Page.

!Enjoy Playing My Music!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

No Good News

My wife just called from Florida
with bad news about her Mom.
Her and her Dad had to take
Sylvia back to the hospital this
morning. Sylvia can use your
prayers. Thank You

Officially Done

My donation archive is officially done
and active. So anyone who wants
can donate thru paypal to my arts
fund. Don't everyone donate at once. :)

Donate here

Monday, November 12, 2007

Unfortunately All Three

Artistic Master

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how
you look at it. I was given by the Divine three
powers over the Spirits of Art*. Almost all other
artists in the world are masters of one thing.
For example Mozart=music Rembrandt=painting
Shakespeare=poetry etc. I on the other hand
am a master in all three; painting, poetry, music,
which defines the essence of art itself. This is more
a complaint than a brag. To fully understand what
I am saying, would be to live my life as I do, and I
don't wish that on anyone. You see, with all that
creative power at my finger tips, makes me a very
dangerous man. Let him who has understanding
overstand objectively what I am saying. In other
words, I am volatile when provoked with a joke.
Sometimes I can't tell when people are serious or
not, and I am often much to kind to people who
don't deserve it. I have accidentally walked into
a robbery in progress and didn't even know it,
cause I was on the moon in thought over a sonnet.
My Father, when I was a kid, use to call me the
little idiot boy genius.

My wife does not like to let me out of her sight
and for good reason. Why am I telling you all this ?
Because if you ever see me on the street walking
past you, you will know it's me cause I'll be walking
sdrawkcab. ------ * Arts and Science's.

Excerpt From Touched With Fire

Click here to look at the
book on
Touched With Fire by
Kay Redfield Jamison

Click the photo to expand
it and make it readable.

Touched With Fire is a must
read for all artists and especially
those artists with Manic-Depressive
Illness. (Bipolar Disorder)

It's Monday Again And Veterans Day

Today I am just kicking back waiting
for Tuesday, When the Bank is open
again so I can finish my donation account.
You will be able to donate to my arts fund
So I can continue to create art. Not that
I won't create without money, but you
know what I mean. I can't hold a 9-5
job cause of my bipolar disorder, since
I can't be around or work with people
that much. My last real job was at
Stanford University in the physics
department working on the Ronald
Ray-gun star wars project, in 1984
(See my Notes On Physics)
and that was enough to drive
anyone nuts. I hated working on
a war machine.
Hopefully after tomorrow the donation
link will be active and working.
Don't anyone hold their breath. :)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Lazy Sunday

I've been staring at my computer
for the past half hour.............
anyway, I guess I'll go eat something

and go drink a beer.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Gooblyacon no. 2

There are two Gooblyacons,
no. 2 is my favorite. I wrote
the gooblyacons around
1996-97 in Santa Cruz Ca.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Why Not ?

Why not combine my poetry and my
music, and be a song writer ?

It just don't work that way for me.
At least it hasn't in the past. I have written
a few songs but nothing to write home
about. I may in the future try writing
modern songs again, depending on my up
and down life. The last song I wrote was:

There goes Capitan Applewhite
In the starry sky tonight
With his crew of 38
Aboard their starship heavens gate.

A song about an occult suicide right
here in San Diego a number of years

You can hear a few seconds of this
song in a radio interview that I did
back in 1997. You can find this
radio interview on my Audio Blog.
Or scroll down to click it right below.

Radio Show Interview From 1997

After you hear this interview.
Scroll up and click my Audio Blog
link to hear my piano music.

Don't Hate Me For .......

I am hoping that after visiting my weblog
that people won't leave feeling that they
hate me cause of my abundant creativity.

I only say this cause its happened before.
The truth is that I have worked long hard
hours on the piano from the time I was a
kid. I can only write piano music the way
I do because of the constant work and
devotion that I have for the piano.
The same holds true for all my artistic
endeavors . Poetry and painting too.
I was not born an artist. I have
worked very hard over the years.
on all my artistic creations.
To hear my piano music go to my
Audio Blog.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Ordained Certificate

This certificate is posted here for my
personal record until such time I am
able to print it out. It shows that I am
a Reverend. Angel De Fuego.

Angel De Fuego
has been ordained this Thursday the 17th of January 2008 01:08:53 PM

---------------------- cut here ----------------------

Be sure to order an original certificate just like this one

This is a receipt for your ordination. In States that require Minister Registration (see our FAQ page), THIS RECIEPT IS NOT VALID. The credential above confirms that your personal information and Ministerial Standing has been recorded in the Church database. In many situations you MUST present a hard copy of your official Ordination, which may be ordered through the Monastery Storehouse,

Many situations require you to present an official certificate. Nursing Home Administrators, State or Local police authorities, or your State registration office may need a copy. The above website credential may not be suitable for such uses. It is suggested that you order the official credential, imprinted with your name and ordination date and Stamped with the Church Seal. You are not required to order the Official Credential as your ordination is fully legal without the credential. However, it will be of use to you in official situations.

For Ministers residing in States requiring registration, a letter of good standing must be requested from the Church. See your local county clerk to verify your obligations. Requests for 

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Beyond Heaven

After all is said and done about what lies beyond
our human mortality. We really only have the
here and now. And what we do with each moment
of our lives now, co
ntributes or not, to our lives
we have died.

One only needs to think of Shakespeare, Einstein,
Mozart or
Da Vinci to have an example of human
without a rel
igion a heaven or a god.

Angel De Fuego
copyright 2006

Monday, November 05, 2007

Weblog & Music Production Area

I took these photos today and a few
days ago, so people can see where
I spend most of my time creating
my blog and doing my music,
which now seems like the same thing.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


I did this color pencil drawing when I was 15 years old
(36 years ago) in San Vicente Mexico.
I call it my Monoliso instead of our Lord,
that way all my Christian friends don't give me hell
about creating a forbidden image of our Lord.

Click the pictures to expand them.

To see more of my drawings & sketches
go to my Drawings & Paintings Archive

Saturday, November 03, 2007

A Little Help From My Friends

As you can see I now have a few
hostembed friends doing my biding.
Like cyberspirits these hostembeds
will say anything that I command
them to say. You too can have this
wizard like power. Just go to

I have been a Rosicrucian since I was (12)
twelve years old, which has nothing to do
with SitePale ( but is relevant
in understanding me and my bipolar cycles.

To understand how my bipolar disorder
and artistic temperament effects me on
a cyclical and daily bases, read this blog
and it's first part other half Bloggod.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Sonnet 7 From The Sonnets From Lucifer's Fall

Sonnets From Lucifer's Fall


I am the most beautiful creation

And yet my spirit vexed forever doomed
Must crawl the waste land of Gods discontent
Who sits upon his perfect golden throne
To leave me dancing in the burning flames
A ruler of the weakest and the fools
Attending my party with costume jewels
Wearing their rags of best designer names
Their human worthlessness of flesh and bone
With which I am supposed to be content
As my eternity with hate consumed
Suffers in error my degradation

And all of this because of beauty's pride
Which can not die nor from its own eyes hide

Angel De Fuego
copyright 1989

Click here to hear this sonnet
read by
Angel Hostembed.

New Slate New Name.

It's like starting on a new sheet of paper.
A new fresh drawing. My old main blog
called Bloggod is no longer active for
fresh new posts. This new page called
Weblog will be my active main blog now.
Travel with me to unknown reaches of
the blogosphere as I continue my
travel through life as an artist with
bipolar disorder.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Weblog First Entry

This is a continuation of my main
blog Bloggod now called Weblog.

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