Sunday, November 30, 2008

Manic-Depressive Illness

Manic depression or bipolar disorder is a serious 
mental illness that often leads to suicide. I have
been one of the lucky ones so far. But even I am
starting to experience a deeper depressive cycle
as I get older. I do not take lithium because I want
my manic creative cycle to thrive & be productive.
But the use of such medication only stifles the 
creative process while numbing it to death.

I never think about killing myself while in a mania.
It is only the depressive cycle that does that & lately
for me, I have been way depressed & thinking about
just ending it all. But it is the hope of creation that
keeps me going & hanging on. That is to say, when I
create art, I feel good & up & proud of such creation
but depression kills all creation while trying to kill
me as well.

Most people with bipolarity just take lithium, but
most people are not as creative as I. Not to brag but
it is just the truth. I am very creative when manic.
So, I need to always be in a controlled mania but 
that is not always easy to do. For the first time in
my life, I am having to fight with deep depression
& that scares the hell right out of me. 

Dear G-d, please give me the strength & will to 
keep living while depressed................amen.

1 comment:

  1. Please read this book!
    Many people are afraid to read it because it so vividly shows the reality of the spirit world. It has truly helped to set some of us free. Satan is real. Jesus is real. ANYONE can be free in Christ!