Manic-Depressive Illness

Manic depression or bipolar disorder is a serious 

mental illness that often leads to suicide. I have

been one of the lucky ones so far. But even I am

starting to experience a deeper depressive cycle

as I get older. I do not take lithium because I want

my manic creative cycle to thrive & be productive.

But the use of such medication only stifles the 

creative process while numbing it to death.

I never think about killing myself while in a mania.

It is only the depressive cycle that does that & lately

for me, I have been way depressed & thinking about

just ending it all. But it is the hope of creation that

keeps me going & hanging on. That is to say, when I

create art, I feel good & up & proud of such creation

but depression kills all creation while trying to kill

me as well.

Most people with bipolarity just take lithium, but

most people are not as creative as I. Not to brag but

it is just the truth. I am very creative when manic.

So, I need to always be in a controlled mania but 

that is not always easy to do. For the first time in

my life, I am having to fight with deep depression

& that scares the hell right out of me. 

Dear G-d, please give me the strength & will to 

keep living while depressed................amen.